It's WAR

When you announce your pregnancy, it's a lot of fun - everyone is congratulating you, you're excited for the baby, etc. But once the initial, "Eeeh! You're pregnant! So wonderful! When are you due?" subsides, the judgment starts:

• "Are you going to breast feed or formula feed? Breast is best, formula is just for those lazy women who don't want to ruin their racks or truly sacrifice themselves for their babies."
• "Ew, why breastfeed? It's so painful! Formula is so easy, and you won't have to wear nursing bras or try to nurse a baby in public, EWWWW."
• "You're going to stay home and stop working, right? I couldn't handle leaving my sweet poopsie woopsie with strangers every day so I could make a few bucks. GOD WANTS YOU TO STAY HOME."
• "You're going to go back to work, right? After all, those babies aren't going to be little forever and you don't want your brain or your resume to get stale. Plus, who wants to be at home with a screaming baby, dirty diapers, and Dora the Explorer all day? Yuck. Maintain your independence! You're a Mom, not a slave!"
• "TELL me you're going for an all-natural homebirth. Hospitals are evil, they'll push you into a ton of unnecessary interventions and medicate you so much that you'll make no progress. THEN, they'll pump you full of Pitocin, which makes the contractions super intense, and then if you don't make enough progress quickly enough they'll force you into a C-Section!"
• "DON'T YOU DARE GIVE BIRTH AT HOME! What if something goes horribly wrong and it takes too long for 911 responders to reach your home and you and the baby DIE!? Plus, who wants to have to clean up after a birth? Ew"

This drives me nuts. I can see pluses and minuses to each side of each of these arguments - breast vs bottle, SAHM vs working mom, hospital vs home. There's no one right answer. But for people who have chosen a camp, the other side is evil and any woman that chooses said other side is a terrible, terrible mother who deserves to have her children taken away by CPS.

Why do we have to be so combative? It's not like we're discussing whether or not to drink & do drugs while we're pregnant, or abandon our babies on the side of the road when they cry all night long. I've known tons of people who were raised by home-birthing, breast-feeding, stay-at-home moms and they were all totally normal. I've known tons of people who were raised by hospital-birthing, formula-feeding, working moms and THEY were all totally normal. I've also known tons of people who were combinations of all of the above - again, normal.

What matters, it seems to me, is what is right for the individual family. And if that family's decisions don't mesh with what you consider to be the be-all, end-all of child rearing, simply smile, nod, and offer your support and friendship. And I can guarantee you, if that friendship comes with the occasional offer to babysit so the parents can have a date night, it will be appreciated no matter what.