Punctuality is for suckahs.

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Monday, 10/24/11:
If one more person asks, "Are you okay?", "How are you feeling?", or "Any baby yet?", I will not be responsible for what comes out of my mouth. I fully realize everyone genuinely cares and is excited for us and the baby, but when you're 9 months pregnant, the size of a house, exhausted, and show no signs of going into labor, NOT having had the kid yet makes you feel like something of a failure. I can't explain why, but it just does. Inform FB that I will be incommunicado 'til baby's born, just to give myself a social media break. Secretly logging in to see who's posting what, though, muah ha ha. 

MIL says she's convinced baby has dropped, and from the pressure, I kind of think it's started to happen, but I don't see a difference when I look in the mirror. Went for a 2.5 mile walk to try and kick things into gear.

Tuesday, 10/25/2011:
Due date, still no baby. MIL accompanied me to my prenatal appt. Dr. B did a cervical check - not dilated at ALL, still "high and tight". Eff. Hooked me up for a non-stress test, involving a heart rate monitor and a kick monitor stripped around the belly, for 15 min. Heartbeat was crazy loud, and baby tried her darnedest to kick the monitors off. Baby deemed in no distress, doing "beautifully".

Dr. B then did a short ultrasound to check the levels of amniotic fluid, which were still fine. I said, "I never thought I'd say this, but puh-leeeze induce?" and he explained that, as of yet, there was no medical need to - a non-induction-happy OBGYN is a rarity these days, I'm very lucky! - so to please come back in on Friday 10/28 if nothing has happened since. 

Ate a highly caloric lunch at Whole Foods (their mac & cheese from the to-go bar is to-die-for), then went to Costco, then had a depressed nap. NOTHING? All these Braxton-Hicks and all this pressure and uncomfortableness, and NOTHING? Baby girl, you'd better be on your way. 

Wednesday, 10/26/11:
Went for 2.75 mile walk in the a.m., blasting peppy songs on my iPhone/Pod/whatever. Lots of pressure when I got back, a couple intense B-H ctx, then nothing. FIL arrived from Ohio, MIL says she was convinced baby was waiting 'til both Cowan grandparents were there. I am doubtful that baby will ever, ever arrive. I am going to be pregnant for. ev. er. EFFFFFFFFFF.

Also, found out that Dave's coworkers have started a poll on when baby will be born, and they're all guessing at least a week late. Meanies. I'd better at least get a cut of the winnings.

Thursday, 10/27/11: 
Another 2.75 mile a.m. walk, a few more intense B-H ctx. Still nothing that says "THIS IS IT, YO!" Do laundry. Putz around house while in-laws go out for beach walk and lunch - in major hibernation mode, don't really feel like socializing, which is bad, because I lucked out and ended up with  in-laws who are really fun to hang out with. Anxiously awaiting appointment tomorrow to see if I can get an induction scheduled before in-laws fly back to Ohio on Tuesday... Although they have very sweetly informed me that this was the risk they took in coming out before the due date, I will feel like a schmuck if they return to Ohio without having met their granddaughter. Plus, if I'm still pregnant on 11/1, I will cry. A lot. And possibly cut someone.

Friday, 10/28/11: Another non-stress test and ultrasound to check amniotic fluid levels, baby is still doing beautifully. My doc still doesn't want to schedule an induction, though, as he'd prefer to let my body do this on its' (it's?) own, so that there will be less chance I'd end up needing a C-section (it's more likely with inductions, since your body isn't fully "ready" for labor). Scheduled another checkup for Monday, Halloween.

FIL's coworkers also apparently now have a pool on when this baby will arrive. One of them said baking cookies is, for some reason, a surefire way to start labor. I make a batch of homemade peanut butter cookies. They are delicious, but they do not do the trick. Oh well. Someone on Facebook suggested making labor-starting cookies - essentially, VERY spicy gingersnaps with cayenne pepper in them. I shall do so tomorrow.

Went out to The Stinking Rose for dinner with Dave and the in-laws, in the hopes that copious amounts of garlic will "spice" the baby out. Delicious dinner, but again, no such luck.

Saturday, 10/29/11:
Another 2.75 mile walk, off to make those labor-starting cookies. Still no baby. [Expletives deleted]

Can't sleep, the clowns will - wait, no, nevermind.

Insomnia is fun. Insomnia when you're 9 months pregnant and have a 6+ pound baby doing the jive (well, the squirm) on your bladder is REALLY fun. I foresee several naps in my future today.

Still waiting, still pregnant, still having lots of Braxton-Hicks contractions and a twinge here and there, although Thorberta seems to be quite content to stay in Casa de Utero. Dave is insistent that the baby not decide to make her entrance 'til next Thursday, since he has to be out of town on a business trip Monday-Wednesday. No worries, though, I won't be left alone: I have a friend coming to stay with me Monday night, and then my fabulous mother-in-law (Hi A!!!) is arriving Tuesday morning.

Since it's 5am, I don't have to make this whole post make sense, do I? Okay, time for a philosophical tangent, then! The knowledge that any day now, our lives are going to change completely and irrevocably, is surreal. It's not just US anymore, we have this tiny creature who is utterly dependent on us, not just for basic physical needs, but to teach her about the world and help her figure out her place in it. Kiddo, I'm sure we're gonna make mistakes, but I promise we're going to do our very best. And no matter what, we love you and are so lucky to be your parents.

What now?

Today was my first official day of maternity leave, and it was STRANGE. My friend Kelly was here for a long weekend, & didn't have her flight out til late this afternoon, so we hung out, went for a walk at the beach, etc. I kept turning to her and saying, "I feel like I'm playing hooky!"

I've always had a job/school/SOMETHING I had to do, since, well, forever. And now? I'm just waiting.

Lots of waiting.

And yes, I'm still pregnant. Very. Trust me, if and when things change, there will be an announcement. For now, though, I'd appreciate people not asking me, "So, you STILL knocked up?" every ten seconds. Yes, I am, unless you hear otherwise.

For now, though, anyone have any recommendations for good books/movies? One can only go for so many walks and re-fold baby clothes so many times.

Dear Flu: Stop it.

Yeah, so, being sick with a flu/cold thing when you're 37 weeks pregnant? Not fun. The list of acceptable/safe medications you can take is very short, and includes only medications that have never, ever worked for me in the past (i.e. Sudafed and Tylenol Cold). Why even bother taking them, then? I've just been inundating myself with Emergen-C, cough drops, fluids, and sleep. Coughing brings on minor B-H contractions, which is just so, so, so much fun. And everyone keeps saying, "Oh, the baby could come at any time!", which just freaks me out. I'm so ready to be done with pregnancy, but the knowledge that parenthood is the next step makes me totally fine with her hanging out in utero for a little while longer. I'll just keep maintaining that she's not done baking yet. Gotta get a little more golden brown and crispy 'round the edges.

It's a Catch-22, what can I say.

Every time I feel a twinge or a cramp, I think, "Ooh, is this it, is this it?" but then it goes away quickly and I know it's not time yet. I don't think I've had any actual, for-real contractions yet, as it all still feels like Braxton-Hicks and people keep saying that when it's a real contraction, you KNOW. Will I? Or will I be one of those women who randomly wake in the middle of the night to find a wailing, vernix-covered baby in their pajama pants? Oh, would that be strange. I seriously don't know how that happens. How do you not feel a baby emerging from you? Jeeeezum Pete.

I have one more week of work, and am nearly done training my maternity leave replacement, & am working on getting everything tidied up neatly on all the projects I'm a part of. People are like, "You're STILL working?" Yes, actually, I want to feel that I've left for maternity leave having done the best possible job that I can do, pregnant or not. If someone hires me to do a job, then darn it, they're going to get my best work, period. I can't do it any other way.

And once 5pm on Friday, 10/7 hits, I will leave knowing I've set things up to run smoothly in my absence, and then I can relax until labor hits. I'll go for walks every day (with my ID/health insurance card & cell phone on hand, just in case), get a pedicure, massage, and facial, and finish tidying up around the house. I have a ton of DVDs I haven't watched yet, plus lots of shows stored up on our DVR. Hopefully, tiny miss Thorberta gives me at least a few days to enjoy being "unemployed" before she decides to make her grand entrance. And when she does... I can't wait to meet her.

On track!

According to today's ultrasound, in two weeks, our darling daughter has apparently gone from 4 lbs, 8 oz to 6 lbs, 2 oz. A gain of 1 lb, 10 oz, or 26 ounces, or 1.857 ounces per day for 14 days. No wonder there's been so much pressure on my hips and back - this kid is growing like a weed! I hope she doesn't get TOO much bigger, as I'm not terribly keen on the idea of pushing out a 9+ lb baby. But, as long as she's healthy and thriving, that's what I care about.

People keep asking what Our Birth Plan is. Truth? We don't have anything concrete. I can't possibly predict how things will go, and I've never been through this whole push-a-baby-out thing, so I don't know what it will be like. Painful, yes. Fast? No clue. Slow? No clue.

I have researched birth and natural pain relief methods, so I know what to expect on an academic level, but who knows how much good that will do me when this all finally goes down? My goal is to go as long as I can without pain meds, hopefully all the way, and the main things I DO NOT WANT are a C-section or an episiotomy/tear. But, if any of that ends up happening, I'll deal. The end goal is a healthy baby and mommy, with as few complications as possible. My body is made to do this, and do this, it hopefully shall.

4-ish weeks to go. Ho-leee guacamole.

As of today, there is exactly one month 'til my "due date" - I realize that such things are relative, and always +/- 2 weeks, hence the quotation marks. But, dang it, I reeeeeeeally hope it's more on the -2 than the +2 side, although I don't want her coming 'til she's fully baked. I keep looking down at The Belly and saying, "Now, listen to Mommy: You can come ANYTIME after Friday, October 7th at 5pm. But until then, just hold tight, mmkay?" Considering how well my "If you don't make me puke at ALL during the pregnancy, you get a pony!" incentivized parenting attempt went, I'll either go into labor tonight, or be waaaaaaaay overdue.

I have two weeks left of work, and am training my maternity leave replacement. There's no easier way to feel like an idiot than to train someone: "Um, I just do it this way because it works? Yeah. So, just try that." Or at least that's how it felt the first day. I now have a concrete plan for indoctrinating - er, teaching - her, and I think I'm making sense now. I hope. We'll see.

We spent part of this weekend setting up the "nursery corner" of our bedroom, where wee Thorberta will reside for the first few months: pack n' play with bassinet attachment, changing table fully kitted out with diapers and wipes, and a dresser packed full of freshly washed newborn and 0-3 month-sized clothes. A small baby bathtub is tucked away in the closet, with tiny towels and washcloths and baby shampoo. There's a new glider and side table in the living room, which I'm dubbing The Dairy as that's most likely where most of baby's feedings will take place. The "Go Bag" is packed and living in the trunk of D's car, just in case. We have car seat bases installed in each car, and the travel system (car seat + stroller) ready. A wonderful pediatrician has been picked. We're pre-registered at a great hospital. We took birthing and breastfeeding classes, and have an Infant/Child CPR class in a couple weeks. We took our babymoon, & are going out on one last big fancy no-babysitter-required date this weekend. I'm stocking up our DVR with lots of TV shows to watch, and working on cleaning and organizing the rest of our apartment. (Side note: When they call it a "nesting instinct" they are NOT kidding.)

We're basically ready, technically speaking. And I've never felt less ready for anything in my life. I'm completely terrified, but at the same time, so excited to meet this little girl who now has no room to really kick, but just squirms and pushes and snuggles inside me. I just want to meet her, hold her, watch Dave hold her, and kiss her tiny toes and sweet little face. I am so ready for us to officially become a family of three, but I keep feeling like there's something I've forgotten to do, to prepare for. There probably is, but I have four weeks-ish to figure out what it is.

The San Diego Babymoon: Or, how we celebrated the end of "Just the two of us"

Last weekend, Dave and I took our babymoon, by which I mean our last babysitter-free, kid-free vacation with just us. We drove down to San Diego and stayed at The Westgate Hotel in the Gaslamp District, which had a lobby so ornate that it would have even impressed my antiques-savvy grandfather. The first afternoon we were there, we wandered around the Gaslamp District, saw a matinee of Crazy Stupid Love (really funny!), and just sort of unwound from life in general.

The next day? SeaWorld, baby! I have always wanted to go, ever since I was a little kid, and Dave indulged my lifelong dream by buying discounted tickets through his work. I think we may have been some of the only people there WITHOUT kids, though technically we did have one with us. Obviously, I couldn't go on any of the rides (SeaWorld is half amusement park, half aquarium), so that cut down on line-waiting time considerably. We did, however, watch the Shamu "One World, One Ocean" show, which, aside from the amazing-ness of watching three GIGANTIC killer whales do backflips and loop-de-loops, was the cheesiest thing I've ever seen. And I kinda sorta loved it.

Up next? The Behind-the-Scenes Animal Tour. Dave bought tickets while I was visiting the restroom and refused to tell me how much they were, because he knows that the five year old girl inside me has always wanted to feed and pet a dolphin. And we DID. They split our tour group up into small groups and each of us got to hang out with a trainer and a couple of dolphins at the tanks behind the scenes. There was a pregnant dolphin (Calla, I think?) who especially liked me... I think she sensed a kindred spirit. Anyway, we got to pet them (they feel like wetsuits or kick boards!) and feed them unflavored gelatin cubes. We also got to feed eels (through safety tubes) and sea turtles. Awesome.

Dave insisted on buying our daughter a huge stuffed Shamu, too. This kid has already got quite the menagerie of stuffed animals, including: A sheep, a lemur, a killer whale, a homemade Raggedy Anne doll, two hand-sewn rag doll siblings, and a set of anthropomorphized vegetation - carrot, broccoli, and strawberry.

We ate dinner at Filippi's Pizza Grotto in Little Italy, per a recommendation of one of Dave's coworkers, and stuffed ourselves silly on old-school Italian-American-style pizza and lasagna. The next day, we slept in & then went to breakfast at The Mission Restaurant for killer blackberry pancakes, then took our time driving around San Diego a bit to see the sights, and drove home. We both took the next day off of work as well to sleep in and just chill out at home.... Blissful.

7.5 months: Anyone else see the resemblance?

I was telling Dave that I feel like I'm starting to resemble Alfred Hitchcock in profile. This proves it (though I do admit to kind of slouching a bit on purpose in this picture).

This may be one of the most unflattering photos I've ever posted of myself. You're welcome, internet.

Scratches all day

I have a warning for cat owners like D and I: Even if you live waaaaaaaaaaay up on the 6th floor of a building, and your cats never, ever, ever go outside (not even onto the balcony, they're scared of it), GIVE THEM REGULAR FLEA PREVENTION MEDICINE. Because if you live in Southern California, where the fleas are like Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator Fleas, super hardy and resistant to chemicals, and you live in a building with lots of dog owners who probably never treat their dogs with flea medicine - after all, many of them can't even be bothered to pick up their dog's poop, why should they even consider flea medicine.... Your cats will become infested with fleas.

And then, they will scratch themselves. And the fleas will bite you, but not your husband for some reason, and the bites will itch like a [expletive deleted]. And you will spend several weeks disinfecting your cats and every surface in your home and vacuuming every day. And your older cat will freak out at all the vacuuming (because he is convinced the vacuum is THE DEVIL OH MY GOD RUN) and start obsessively grooming himself, to the point where he actually rips out one of his claws. And since this will happen, of course, over a holiday weekend when your vet is closed, you will have to visit the emergency vets and spend $$$$$ to get his raw claw-bed cleaned and bandaged. And then you will also have to give said cat antibiotics and pain meds, which he will also hate OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU STICKING SYRINGES DOWN MY THROAT I HATE YOU and get annoyed with you. And then you will take your younger cat (whom the fleas seem to prefer) to get a flea bath at the vets, which will give her that New Car Smell, and result in the other cat thinking she is foreign because she does not smell right, ergo he needs to hiss at her and attack her. And then you will continue the cycle of disinfecting every surface in your home and moving furniture and vacuuming, and it will all begin anew.

It's kind of like If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, but with small bitey insects. We're calling it Fleamageddon 2011: This Time It's Personal.

"Think of your cervix as a mini bagel."

We had our first of two 4-hour childbirth classes today, and it was nice to meet some other parents-to-be and get some ideas on natural pain relief, labor positions, etc.

The instructor, P, a lovely woman who's a mother of 9 and grandmother of, well, many, really tried to make everyone feel welcome. She's a little offbeat, and when she was explaining cervical effacement & dilation, said, "Think of your cervix, pre-labor, as a mini bagel. Puckered, a little puffy, and closed up tight." I nearly went into labor right then and there, I laughed so hard.

....I can only imagine what metaphors we'll be treated to next week.