Scratches all day

I have a warning for cat owners like D and I: Even if you live waaaaaaaaaaay up on the 6th floor of a building, and your cats never, ever, ever go outside (not even onto the balcony, they're scared of it), GIVE THEM REGULAR FLEA PREVENTION MEDICINE. Because if you live in Southern California, where the fleas are like Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator Fleas, super hardy and resistant to chemicals, and you live in a building with lots of dog owners who probably never treat their dogs with flea medicine - after all, many of them can't even be bothered to pick up their dog's poop, why should they even consider flea medicine.... Your cats will become infested with fleas.

And then, they will scratch themselves. And the fleas will bite you, but not your husband for some reason, and the bites will itch like a [expletive deleted]. And you will spend several weeks disinfecting your cats and every surface in your home and vacuuming every day. And your older cat will freak out at all the vacuuming (because he is convinced the vacuum is THE DEVIL OH MY GOD RUN) and start obsessively grooming himself, to the point where he actually rips out one of his claws. And since this will happen, of course, over a holiday weekend when your vet is closed, you will have to visit the emergency vets and spend $$$$$ to get his raw claw-bed cleaned and bandaged. And then you will also have to give said cat antibiotics and pain meds, which he will also hate OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU STICKING SYRINGES DOWN MY THROAT I HATE YOU and get annoyed with you. And then you will take your younger cat (whom the fleas seem to prefer) to get a flea bath at the vets, which will give her that New Car Smell, and result in the other cat thinking she is foreign because she does not smell right, ergo he needs to hiss at her and attack her. And then you will continue the cycle of disinfecting every surface in your home and moving furniture and vacuuming, and it will all begin anew.

It's kind of like If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, but with small bitey insects. We're calling it Fleamageddon 2011: This Time It's Personal.