Today, I am 14 weeks pregnant. This means that in about 6 weeks, if we so choose, we will be able to try and find out our baby's gender via ultrasound. Hot-button topic, this. Seriously. People could care less whether you're a Republican or Democrat, but if you tell them you've decided to find out the gender, you're either totally normal (people of my generation, for whom gender reveals are normal bog standard occurrences) or a freakazoid from the Planet X (people of the "we didn't have ultrasounds a) because they weren't invented yet or b) unless they thought there was something seriously wrong and our baby had a tail & horns" generation).
"You're pregnant? Congrats! Are you going to find out?" Yes, I want to know. "WHAT? WHY DON'T YOU WANT THE SURPRISE?? YOU'RE GOING TO BE A BAD MOTHER, YOU HUSSY!"
Okay, so that's not quite what the don't-find-out people have said, but the sentiment is there. I can feel it in the judgmental tsk-tsks I get from the little old ladies at the gym. Their attitude seems to stem from the fact that THEY didn't get to find out, let alone get to see their babies squiggling around in black & white on the ultrasound screen, so why should WE get to?
For those of you who care, we've both had strong suspicions/feelings from day one that we're having a girl. The total-bupkus Chinese Birth Chart agrees.
Here are my arguments FOR finding out:
- I honestly could care less whether it's a girl or a boy, so long as it's healthy. The thing is, though, there are pretty much no gender neutral baby clothes out there anymore, except for yellow duckie or green froggie-emblazoned onesies. I like yellow duckies and green froggies, but only to a certain extent. I don't want my child wearing nothing but ducks and frogs, or barring that, plain white onesies.
- I am a dedicated planner who likes to know what's coming down the pipeline. Our wedding was essentially completely planned around nine months before it occurred, minus small details and the continued meetings with our pastor for marriage counseling.
- I've never been good at waiting. I'm not a patient person, at all. You all know this, which is probably why no one has ever given me a surprise birthday party.
- Personally, I think knowing whether we're having a son or a daughter will help us to bond with the little rugrat.
- I need to grow up and learn to accept surprises as they come.
- The baby doesn't really care what it wears, and yellow is cheery. Besides, baby gear like strollers, sheets, etc does come in SOME gender-neutral colors, and we're hoping to have more kids, so that's what we registered for.
- Persons from older generations will stop tsking at me.
- I can keep calling the baby "Shim" until it's born.
- We'll get to have that "IT'S A BOY!" or "IT'S A GIRL!" moment in the delivery room.
So, dear friends and family, I want your opinion. I may or may not go along with what the polled masses tell me, but please, vote in the comments. I tried to insert a Twiigs poll, but Blogger was being stubborn. So just leave a "Yes" (for yes, you should find out) or "No" (no, you shouldn't).
I vote yes! You will have plenty more chances for surprises to learn to live with, old people not related to you's opinions don't really matter, and traditional gender colors matter about as much as traditional gender roles. You could always nickname the baby Shim if you so choose and I bet there will still be that awesome moment in the delivery room. (and who knows, you might get a surprise after all, a really really big surprise!)
ReplyDeleteI don't get it. The totally bupkus Chinese thing seems to me to indicate you will have a boy (conceived in February; mother 28 at time of delivery). What am I missing here? Oh, as to the poll: yes or no. It is 100% up to you and David and nobody else's' opinion should count for squat. My (very) humble opinion! And good thing "it" isn't a personal pronoun, or you'd have to refer to The Child as s/h/it!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I can really vote either way for someone else! But two bits of anecdote that you might find interesting/useful:
ReplyDelete1. I would not want to know. *But* I like surprises (well, good ones!). I'm also not worried too much about gendered onesies for a one-month old - I don't care if I have to put a boy in a pink "princess" onesie or a girl in a Thomas the Tank Engine t-shirt. They're only going to spit up all over it. Anyone who wants to judge can eff off as far as I'm concerned. Kids don't learn about gender until they're about 2 y.o. anyway.
2. A friend and her partner have three kids. For the first, they kept kiddo's sex a surprise. "Trust me," she said, "the first time you're pregnant, you're so scared and so excited that being pregnant is all you think about. Knowing whether it's a boy or a girl wouldn't have made a difference - I was already completely consumed with the baby." For the second, her pregnancy was so smooth and she was so busy with a 2-year-old that she kept *forgetting she was pregnant*, so she found out the sex of number two to help her bond with the baby - but somehow she managed to keep it a secret from her partner for months and months because he didn't want to know. For number 3, they both found out the sex, but kept referring to it as "it" until it was born so that no one else knew that they knew, b/c where babies are concerned everyone has an opinion about EVERYTHING, and she said she'd much rather deal with people judging her about whether they did or didn't find out the sex than about names, which is the default if they know you know the baby's sex. Definitely something I'm keeping in mind if I ever have kids.
-Julie
Actually, Dad, we conceived sometime in mid-late January according to the doc's calculations. ;)
ReplyDeleteI would want to know, but that is because both my brother and I were named as a result of not knowing what we were going to be and it was a real "Oh, it's a girl. Hey, let's name her after you."
ReplyDeleteSilly but true.
So I vote yes.
For a 28 Y.O. mother (at time of delivery), January and February both indicate a boy. Are you, mayhaps, considering yourself as being 27 come October? That you were in January (and February!), but not in October. In fact, you will be thus for only another day the way I figure things. And I aught to know: I was there AND have a memory of the day! You, my dear, were only there! And glad we were (and are, still for that matter) of the fact!!!
ReplyDeleteI think every first time parent should NOT find out. Like you said, you're getting all the big stuff in gender neutral colors anyway, and for the first couple of weeks all your baby will be doing is eating,pooping,sleeping. And for some reason that takes a lot of laundry. You'll get to a point where you just keep them in onesies for the simplicity of it all. There is no need to buy gender based clothes yet, sleepers and onesies are more than adequate until you're both up for a shopping trip. Plus grandmas usually have that kind of thing covered.
ReplyDeleteJust let this baby be your baby, not yr son/daughter, just your baby. You won't be missing out on anything.
I vote, that if y'all have another ultasound and the baby is cooperating, then yes. But really, it is up to the kid. LOL Cheers! And Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteBoo to gender neutral! It's weird to call the baby "it" for the rest of the pregnancy. Besides, you know how you are about surprises. You'll just give in eventually anyway and ask later on so you might as well find out now!
ReplyDeleteJanet and David, if anything, you have to keep reminding yourselves, it's your lives, your decisions that make you happiest. Take or leave advice based on if it fits you, Not to make others happy. I know you know this but it's worth repeating, and repeating. Pat and I had to deal with a challenging society and two sets of parents, where life was traditional and rarely could we change how things were done without a lot of verbal recourse. We and our children, and generations to come(hopefully), understand freedom of choice. So have some fun with it, and Don't Stop!
ReplyDelete